- find band that plays songs
- call caterers about chicken stuff
- get some limos. cool.
- talk sister out of looking like an easter egg
- toddler dress. No hat.
- Mood:
listless
- Location:the WTF hotel, New York
- Mood:
weird
My head hurts though, and those assholes suck for beating me up. I'm going to bed.
- Location:the WTF hotel, New York
- Mood:
sore
- Mood:
accomplished
Woke up at 2 pm today with like the worst hangover in a reeeeeeeeally looooooong time. I'm still not sure how the hell I got back to um my room? Because I sure as fuck don't remember.
And apparently I'm missing a shoe. It's ok, it wasn't a shoe I liked. That sounds weird.
I also seemed to have um.. gained a pair of... nylons? that were on the floor next to um my foot. Definitely not mine. That's not my thing. So not into that.
I also remember um something about... coco puffs. Weird.
But I really hope um, that I didn't do something really, really stupid.
I think I'm going to go dunk my head in cold water. Various amounts of pills still aren't working.
- Location:The wtf hotel, New York
- Mood:
sucky
Today needed a list of shit:
- Had to run more crazy errand things for Denny Crane, but this time I didn't almost get arrested
- The AC at work was still out, and then the power went out because of a bigass storm. I wore my Hawaiian shirt and shorts because um.. hot as shit. That.. would actually be really gross.
- Harmony called while I was out doing shit and I didn't hear my phone. Shit.
- She wouldn't answer when I called her back again. Shit again.
- Almost got hit by a fucking car on the way home
- Saw someone who did get hit by a car, not the first time, I lived here for a long time in shitty crazy neighborhoods.
- Had to talk to cops about chick hit by the car which was fucking disturbing... I think I'd seen one of them before
- Went to the bar by the hotel afterwards and met this hot chick, and then like an hour later I remembered that first um Harmony, and second that she kinda um called me earlier
- Left hot chick to call semi-girlfriend cause like I don't even know if we're back together, and she didn't answer. Damn it.
- I stepped on a fucking.. pin or something. What the fuck? Why was there a pin on the floor of my um.. hotel room?
- Location:the wtf hotel, New York
- Mood:
okay
Then um today, the air conditioner was out, and it was like a hundred fucking degrees. That wasn't fun. It was seriously hot. If it's not fixed by tomorrow, I'm wearing a hawaiian shirt and shorts and no one's going to stop me because... it was hot.
- Location:The WTF Hotel, New York
- Mood:
hot - Music:some TV thing, not paying attention
"Hey kid," he said, upon entering the room. "I just talked to your mom. TV off, bedtime."
"Awwww.. Uncle Harry!" Chloe protested, using every ounce of her persuasive charm and those big brown eyes. "I'm not even tired yet, you said you'd let me stay up a little."
- Location:The WTF Hotel
- Mood:
sleepy
Anyway. Her and her scary husband, George, are going somewhere this weekend. She talks so damn fast on the phone, I couldn't figure out where. You know what, I hate that. Is that like a girl thing? Because Harmony does it sometimes too, and then she gets really mad if I can't remember what she said, but she was like talking so fast that I couldn't even hear what she said, and by the time I realize it, she's onto another subject. I think Perry speaks her language. Which is creepy.
Samantha (I always called her Sam) wants me to watch Chloe for the weekend. It's crazy, two years ago she wouldn't let me around the kid because Chloe was in her fucking impressionable years. ...I need to stop saying fuck so much, can't say fuck in front of the kid. Fuck. Well, isn't like.. all the time 'impressionable years'? She's ten or eleven or something, that's still... I mean, isn't it? Anyway..um.. Sam wouldn't let me around her because of the stealing shit thing. She thought Chloe was going to learn to steal shit from me. Hopefully not stealing from me, but that like I was going to teach her.
I think Chloe's too smart to learn from me, but whatever. Not my kid. Anyway, she still likes me. I think she still likes me. But they're coming in the morning. I think scary husband George must have convinced her. Also weird. George hates my guts, he kinda.. kicked my ass one time. He's a big guy, I'm a little guy. Bad situation. I didn't even fucking do anything either! But ever since then... George has been...scary George. And I think scary George convinced her to do it, maybe they couldn't get like a babysitter or something. I've been clean and um.. not stealing anything for two whole years now. That's a record. So. Yeah.
I have to take Chloe to work though, I think she'll be ok. I mean the last time I was around her, she was cool about everything. Then again, the last time I was around her, I could still carry her on my shoulders, so... Oh boy.
- Mood:
nervous
Harry's voice: *in the background* Do it now?
Perry's voice: *in the background* No, you wait for the beep. Yes, now, stupid.
Harry: Well you're the one that-..
Perry: Harry, talk now! Quickly, it'll run out of time.
Harry: Ok! Ok. *louder, quickly* HiThisisHarryLockhartcan'tgetmyphoneleav
Perry: *background again* You have to turn it off, moron.
Harry: Oh-..
*Beep*
But I mean, isn't it the law.. somewhere.. that you get a fifteen and a thirty minute break? Or is it twenty minutes? I think it's twenty. It should be thirty. It's only like ten fucking minutes longer, but why the fuck should it matter? It should be thirty minutes. Ok, so anyway, I asked if like things not on the list being breaks. That sentence made no sense. I asked if I could take breaks. That's it. He said that was cool. So at least he's an ok boss, he's better than Perry for the most part.
So the stuff on the list was weird, like putting clothes in a room in a house that's obviously not this guy's apartment, which is kind of suspicious, and he warned me about the dog. The dog licked my hand, so I guess that wasn't really an issue.
Shit. I forgot the other important part... I always fucking do that. It must be like hereditary because my dad always does that and it makes his jokes really fucking lame. Fuck. Ok, um, before giving me the crazy list, Crane asked my position on hookers. That was sketchy. But like...they have to make a living? I guess I can kind of relate, I did steal stuff for awhile, not that I'm doing that anymore.. but if you have to make a living... anyway, he asked me about hookers. And Harmony apparently broke up with me before we left, which happened like every other week. But she wouldn't actually tell me that she was breaking up with me for.. a week. She'd tell Perry. Then Perry would tell me. Which was all really weird because like Perry's gay, and why would she tell Perry that she's breaking up with me and not just tell me, unless Perry is somehow involved, but.. he's gay. So how would he be involved? ...Sketchy.
Anyway. Where was I? Oh um.. Harmony broke up with me apparently before I left, so hookers... might not be a bad thing since I'm technically single? It's um.. helping the economy, right? Or something. But there were actually no hookers, he just sort of asked me that for no reason. I could say I was a little disappointed.
Ok, so this list. So I took the stuff from the guy's apartment to the house, which is obviously not his, and then like.. the woman that lives there, Alex, she came home with her kid, and the next thing I knew she had a gun pointed at me and was yelling at me to put my hands up. Oh, yeah, she's a cop. Then I couldn't fucking remember Denny Crane's name. Maybe that's why he says it so much.. fuck.. I figured it out. But I can't be going around saying "Denny Crane" because that would make me look like a nutcase.
I couldn't remember his name, and she um cuffed me and read me my rights and everything, and I'm shouting that I'm not actually breaking into her house. I mean, the dog didn't even bark at me, maybe this is a normal thing for random people to be coming into their house? Dogs usually bark at me, and cats... I'm not going into cats. I'm really allergic to cats, like my throat closes up and my eyes water, and I guess I am going into cats... but they come right up to me and jump on my lap, like they know "oh hey! you're allergic, here, have some fur!"
...Where did that come from? Fuck.. sorry about that. Ok, so. There were cops downstairs and everything, and then I remembered the guy's name, and she was like "Oh, false alarm" and the cops left and she uncuffed me and that was it. Then she brought her kid and sat in the doorway and watched me. It was really weird. Cute kid though. She kinda reminded me of my sister's kid, Chloe, when she was that age, only I wasn't allowed around her much because she was afraid that "Uncle Harry" was going to rub off on Chloe and she'd be like scarred for life and grow up to not get a job and steal shit instead.
But Alex's kid Rachel, she plays fetch. She fetched the ball for me. That was cool. I'm sure Chloe didn't play fetch when she was that little, I think I had to play fetch for her the few times I was around.
I got all the stuff done on that list, the rest of it wasn't so weird. Alex is kinda cool for a cop, and her guy works for that firm I guess. I think I saw him around. But um, then there were also stinky people on the subway. Gross.
- Location:the wtf hotel, New York
- Mood:
confused - Music:Learn To Fly - Carbon Leaf
Hey New York. It's me again. Harry Lockhart.
Um, I'm back anyway. I think I got kicked out of my job, but I also think I still have it. Which is the weirdest concept ever. Well maybe not. Slinkies are awesomely weird. So is the color purple. Has anyone ever noticed that? Purple is a weird color. Like it doesn't go with anything. Purple should rhyme with orange, because nothing rhymes with orange and then nothing goes with purple so they should go together? Even though they so obviously don't go together. Did I even spell rhyme right? Anyway.
I was working with Perry Van Shrike... aka Gay Perry. You know, I don't trust anyone that says "aka". I just don't. Then I guess.. I just said it, so I don't trust myself? That's weird.
Wow, this is full of tangents. I'm such a bad narrator. Ok, focus Harry. Um... right, Perry. I was working for Perry, and he even made me do one of those shitty online college crap things? It sucked. I like.. failed a corse. It's online, how the fuck can you fail a course? But um, I passed..barely, and so now I'm like a.. investigative assistant. I really think that's a fancy title for just doing whatever Perry tells me.
But then he told me that I'm going to New York to this place... Crane, Poole and Shit. Damn it! Schmidt! I keep doing that. Ok, Schmidt. Crane, Poole and Schmidt. It's this big lawfirm that's like everywhere, and I've heard about it because I saw this guy Crane on tv a few times. I swear he looks like he belongs on a tv show. Not like a news program, which is where I saw him, but like...a tv show. Apparently he says his name a lot, I guess so he won't forget it. Which I guess makes sense. Perry claims that if I didn't flap my mouth so much I wouldn't know where to feed myself, but that's total bullshit. ...But I think I'm missing something with that one.
So I'm working for this place, and I don't even know what I'm doing. I guess the same stuff I do for Perry, which would be whatever. Getting coffee...filing...um.. playing.. computer games?
You know, I tried to tell Perry that this New York thing was a bad idea. I mean, if he's going to make go somewhere, why does it have to be New York? And why the fuck is he making me go somewhere anyway? He was getting that look though, so um, I didn't ask him anymore because I've had my nose broken once and it wasn't fun, and he looked like he wanted to give it a try again. I really do know when to shut up.
But what the fuck, New York? I've been arrested here five times, New York is not a lucky place. Neither is LA though, there are dead people... and that's where I live, so.. but I wasn't arrested there. Oh yeah, and my ex isn't there. She's nasty. She wasn't nasty when I married her, but now she is. Don't know how that happened.
Yeah, ok, so the last time I was here, some chick was SHOOTING AT ME from her fire escape. Not fun times. This is going to be.. weird.
- Location:a hotel. wtf. in New York
- Mood:
uncomfortable
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